2 Kewl 4 Words

Or; how the internet is destroying the English Language

I h8 da net. Not really. Lol.
I just h8 da way ppl write on da net. Rotflol!

Dear Lord, I want to shoot myself.

Grammar is dead. I swear, people have lost all sense of grammar, spelling and punctuation.

The amazing thing to me is that computers do all of this for you and PPL…sorry…people who speak English, still can't write in English.

I was spending one of my usual insomniac nights watching various videos on Youtube. I was decidedly bored, and I scrolled down to read the comments below some of the videos. I was utterly amazed. There it was, in plain sight, the demise of the English language. People can't spell. It's not just the staggeringly annoying "Internet Slang" for the staggeringly lazy, like: TTYL, BRB, LMAO and the ever so irritating, yet popular, LOL.

It's much worse than just the typing lazy. It's almost as if people intentionally misspell words. I can't understand, for the life of me, why KEWL is better than COOL. It has exactly the same amount of letters and the O and L are much closer together on a keyboard than the E and the L.

I had assumed, perhaps ignorantly, that PPL..dammit..people were typing in "netspeak" to save precious seconds on the internet. After all, why type LOVE when you can save an invaluable microsecond typing LUV?

I was, however, very wrong. It's not that P-E-O-P-L-E…yes…want to save time; they don't want to have to learn how to spell.

I copied some pitiful examples. I haven't improved on them for humour, I swear.

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"aww thatss cool [: & very original. gr8 work!"

"ppl are laim if this is popular"

"i wish this still aired in network televisin"

"Btw its been a veeeeeeeeeeeeeery loooong time I saw a serie."

"hes not really a mna but an aloen i dont think he has a penis being an alien. hes amphibious it seems"

"ZOMG! that was HILAROUS!!!!!! PWONAGE!!!!!! Nerds like I would roue da world!!!!!"

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That last one almost killed my soul.

It's like a disease.

To close, I will tell a quick story about how much of a pompous stickler I am.

On the night of my bachelor party, my friends took me out to a strip club in Kelowna. At this point, I was quite inebriated.

As we walked in, I noticed a sign:

"SMILE YOUR ON CAMERA"

I'd ignored the fact that the sentence lacked any comma or period. I couldn't, however, ignore the sign completely. I walked up, quite tipsy, to a manager and said, "Your sign is wrong. It is bad grammar, you should fix it. Unless I should smile because I own an "ON CAMERA", and I don't even know what that is."

Then my friends dragged me out.

There are two pet peeves that I have in life. The first is when people call "Strawberry Flavoured Twizzlers" licorice. Licorice is a plant, and a flavour, it's not a type of candy.

The second is when people use YOUR and ITS instead of YOU'RE and IT'S.

This is the most common mistake I come across in my many hours talking to people through emails and text messages.

So, just so nobody emails me with this grammar crime again:

YOUR is a possessive. (Your computer Elias. Your lack of a life Elias.)
YOU'RE is a contraction. (You're crazy Elias. You're a self important jackass and you should relax about grammar Elias)

ITS is a possessive. (ITS muffler is falling off, ITS tires are flat)
IT'S is a contraction (IT'S your car you're describing isn't it?)


SRSLY!!! WTF PPL? :0